With a resigned sigh, I lay about the floor, lost amid the boxes and wish that it will all make sense somehow. (This sentence does not work with the narrative as a whole, it lacks description; 'what' will make sense somehow?
My mind has been made up and tomorrow everything changes. (Again, what changes?)
For as much good as my life has in it, it is still marred by failure. At twenty, I have no job, no education to speak of. (These two sentences need to be combined in order to make them flow better.)
I let out a resigned sigh as I lay on the floor, lost amid the packed boxes and wish that my decision to leave will make sense somehow.
I have made up my mind and tomorrow my life will change, for the better, as I move home in order to start over once again.
For as much good as my life has in it, it is still marred by failure; at twenty, I have no job and no college education to speak of.
This I Argue:
The facts, when examined, are shockingly simple. (This does no flow well when compared to the rest of the paragraph, as there is no reference to specific facts)
America, as a whole, is seen as a powerful and influential nation. Upon closer examination, however, this could not be further from the truth. As sad as it is to accept, there is no excuse for the horrible treatment that many citizens of America are subject to. The problem is not that these people are intentionally marginalized; however, it is that our country simply chooses to not do enough. (This short paragraph needs to be removed altogether)
According to the 2012 documentary, A Place at the Table, federal reimbursement for school meal programs has not increased since 1973. It does not take an economist to understand how these numbers are in no way acceptable. (These two sentences need to be combined)
The facts regarding America's lack of support to hungry citizens are shocking.
Paragraph removed
According to the 2012 documentary, A Plot at the Table, federal reimbursement for school meal programs has not increased since 1973, it does not take an economist to understand why these numbers are in no way acceptable.